Last Monday I had an interesting meditation roll through my noggin. This came on the heels of starting to see a lot of sin and self-centeredness in my life. In a sort of attempt at repentance, I've tried to be more deliberate with my time, thought, money, and actions in hopes that my life might look a bit less... self-consumed. It's been a process- a difficult, but joyful one. More than anything, I've really resonated with C.S. Lewis when he writes, "No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good"
As much as I'd love to write about the process, that's not the purpose of this post. When I look around me I see mostly two types of people- a few people striving very hard to be loving and those who aren't. Even if you've found someone who is decently thoughtful, odds are that they'll be the first to tell you about the selfishness that resides in them.
But then... as you take and read, you see someone and something wildly different. Something the world hadn't seen and hasn't seen since. You see a man walking through the streets- He's not like other men. As he sees the crowd his heart breaks. He's healing people who have been sick their whole life. He's teaching people a better way to do life. He doesn't give any heed to the establishment- he dialogues with lonely tax collecters and shunned adulteresses.
But he just keeps doing it, and he's making it look so easy. What a sharp contrast to my own feeble attempts. It's like I've been struggling to bench-press 100 lbs and all of a sudden, someone walks in the gym and lifts 1000 without breaking a sweat.
And then- wait, what? He's taking this too far. I see a man dying on a hill. That's when I know that this being, this love, is so far and foreign to me. There's just no category for this whole thing. I can't hardly share my sandwich with another person. What is this?
For me, this contrast, this world of difference, inspired worship. As a meditation, look good and hard at your own life. How are you really loving others? If you're like me, you're probably pretty selfish, and it's not much, if anything. But then... look at Jesus.
